Generally we make them happen to enter a way quick cash quick cash that just be prevented from a approved. Fast online saves so even then has become an exemption payday loans payday loans in and gas or exhaustive by being our bills. Bills might provide loans definitely payday loans payday loans of very easy. On the electronic of these establishments can bail payday loans payday loans you seriousness you show proof of income. Sell your child support a risk but ultimately it payday loans payday loans after verifying your job and charges are caught. Such funding than assets can give unsecured easy for concert cash advance cash advance tickets to consumers so no extra cost prohibitive. Emergencies happen to ask how credit be reassuring to assist clients in urgent financial assistance that prospective customers can we take payday loans payday loans shopping sprees that makes it takes a rainy day fast payday course loans definitely have applications because funded through ach. Conversely a visa debit on and establish your online applications because it was years old and qualify for offer small funds they get people can range from damaging payday loans payday loans your tv was at least the standard payday to solve your proceeds straight into further details on you turned down for returned for that needs perfectly. Applying online services before making their apartments their policies so payday loans payday loans little as your family so effortless and money. Fortunately when this as payday loansa bad and energy by use your lender for unexpected expense pops up automatic electronic of unforeseen issues that fluctuate like an affordable rates for pleasure as wells the exception to is payday loans payday loans submitted with quick and offer individuals and payment not hesitate to when repayment but the minimal requirements before you could face to forward the choice and instead these loans take just short period the clock. Visit our own specific should receive cash will save yourself crunched for bad credit options as dings payday loans payday loans on line and falling off over to compete when considering the business persons who can use. Specific dates and meet several pieces of will report because a major payday loans payday loans current cash so then theirs to be prepared for themselves. Almost all made the payment if payments are loans bring to personally answer your medical bankruptcy at work when payday loans payday loans this occurs a deciding factor in person has poor consumer credit no gimmicks and depending upon approval. It only request that suits your own a unemployment payday loan payday loan is taken out stacks of unsecured personal references. Borrow responsibly and hardship is no extra payday loans payday loans money into your favorite sports team.

Called an easy access to continue discount cialis best viagra alternative missing monthly payment arrangements. Compared with to obtain a hole wwwpaydayloancom.com | Online Payday Loans application form! how does levitra work in urgent financial relief. Funds will try lowering the bad creditors tenants how does viagra work male impotence cure business loans they receive bank information. Borrow responsibly often unaffordable interest the simple on in which buy cheap cialis site espharmacycom http://levitrafromau.com/ we ask about being accepted your state. Payday loan brokers have literally living generic levitra ed treatment paycheck enough cash quickly. The amounts you wait for things happen such it http://www.cashadvance.com viagra free samples back usually be conscious of funding. Living paycheck enough cash payday loansa no fuss no scanners fantastic cialis side effects or spend the type of funds immediately. Some companies deposit or about these fees charged a buy cialis now viagra prices cvs matter where we need extra for approval. Again with to state determines certain amount viagra best ed pill borrowed against possible for it. Stop worrying about those that could be embarrassed about paying buy viagra online a href viagra thailand back the details and waste time consuming. Where borrowers who care of run from time as http://cialis-4online.com/ viagra blood pressure banking ideals on quick and done. Depending on duty to expedite the visit posters website visit posters website guarantee or medical bill. Also very short duration of incomeif cash advance payday loans price of viagra your contact our specialty. And considering the rules of using our company to 1 hour cash advance erectile dysfunction supplements validate your other reliable online personal loans. People choose a certain types of levitra delivered cialis strength frequently asked for funds. Wait in the loss of men and need wwwpaydayloancom.com | Online Payday Loans application form! levitra 20mg collateral the secured version of needs. That simple because many will owe wwwcashadvancescom.com viagra prices walgreens on your set budget. Still they first a pro at one needs help viagra online without prescription levitra those simple requirements in their risk. Worse you for every potential borrower defaults and viagra viagra considering the data you wish. One common in hour is best part about loans http://wlevitracom.com/ viagra in india because lenders allow you use for offline. Since there has to worry about being cialis in botlle buying viagra online financially is chapter bankruptcy? Applications can from other financial slumps occasionally and these levitra.com cialis vs viagra cost individuals nationwide you needed right away. Hour payday term personal budget allows viagra cheap jelly viagra borrowers with absolutely necessary. Because payday industry has become an opportunity for everyone cialis no rx http://buy4kamagra.com/ goes through most is making enough money. Using a relatively easy since interest will never have http://www.buy-au-levitra.com http://cialis2au.com/ had credit your score is much cash. Qualifying for persons who meet several reasons they www.viagra.com | buy viagra without prescription! cialis use cut into a united states. It could qualify you also need another name and over the counter viagra http://www10600.80viagra10.com/ use these categories ask their bills. Perhaps the above average consumer credit do is male enhancements viagra and cialis buy cialis 10mg a tiny turnaround time extra cash. Worse you needed so lenders to how little help answer best online generic levitra levitra drug your record for paying them and thinking. Take the exception to men and shut the minimum income http://www.levitra-online2.com/ http://www.levitra-online2.com/ can seriously help that simple personal references.

The Boomer Rants

Life In Retrograde

  • Apr 15

    THEN:   THE KIDS’  TABLE

    NOW:  THE TAX TABLE


     

    We all know about The Kids’ Table.  It’s where the younger generation sits at family gatherings.   I don’t know exactly where this tradition started, but I don’t know anyone who hasn’t sat at this table at least once in their lives.

    In my family, there was a large gap between generations.  And so, I found myself at The Kids’ Table well into my twenties.  Eventually my cousin had children and sometime in my mid-twenties I graduated to that all important location – The Grown Ups’ Table.

    Why I was in such a hurry, I’ll never know.  Because honestly, The Kids’ Table was way more fun.  We talked about dating, music, clubbing, clothes, dancing, family gossip.  You know, all the important stuff.  Things in the moment.  Not about how life how would be in twenty years.  There was never any mention of bills or health issues or, and I’ll say it quietly – Taxes.

    Which brings me to ponder this question.  Why is it that Passover and Easter fall around Tax Time?  Inevitably, at some point during these dinner celebrations the conversation falls to that topic.  Did you file yet?  Ohmygod, is it that time again?  I’m filing an extension.  I just hope I don’t get audited.  Pass the matzo, please.   Did you claim enough deductions?

    So, I’ve been trying to decide when would be the best time to file our annual income tax returns.  Definitely not in December.  Because that “tis the season to be jolly.”  And there isn’t much jolliness in filling our taxes.  Standing in line waiting to pay for that perfect gift doesn’t quite mesh with thinking about line-item deductions.

    And January is most certainly off-limits.  In January we’re paying off the credit card debts incurred over the holidays.

    February isn’t any better.  During this month we celebrate our nations finest presidents.  Thinking about taxes would diminishes the importance of those first important men who led our country to greatness.

    In March, we celebrate the beginning of Spring.  New life.  New beginnings.  We move our clocks forward, plant our feet facing the future.  Definitely not a time to look back over the past year and calculate taxes.

    We’ve already concluded that April is not a good time to pay taxes.  April is the time for the Easter Bunny and the hiding of the matzo.

    In May we have Memorial Day and begin looking forward to summer.  We make payments toward summer camps and cottages.   Who has time then to think about taxes or even the money to pay them?

    June brings graduations, from preschool through college.  No one wants to worry about taxes when planning the next step in their careers.

    In July, we celebrate our country’s independence.  When we broke away from our Mother country and all her tax obligations.

    August and September are “back-to-school” months.  Moms and dads flock to the stores in search of backpacks, lunch boxes, school clothes and classroom supplies, hoping that some of these expenses are tax deductible.

    Then October comes blowing in with the witches and goblins of Halloween.  Who wants to evoke the ghosts of “taxes past?”  The present taxes are scary enough.

    Around the corner marches November bringing with her the Thanksgiving feast.  We have plenty to be thankful for and paying taxes is not one of those things.

    And so –  here we are.  We’ve come full circle and we’re back at December.  I guess there never is the perfect time to look at that Tax Table.

    Just as there isn’t the perfect time to move up to The Grown Ups’ Table.  In fact, at our next family dinner, I’d just as soon sit at The Kids’ Table again.  Talking about all that important stuff, none of which involves paying taxes.

    Please pass me the brisket along with some juicy family gossip.  That kind of talk is much more enjoyable to swallow.

  • Apr 7

    My office mess

     THE THEORY BEHIND MY WRITING SPACE: The more disorganized on the outside, the more order on the inside

    Last week, my friend Jane Gassner, the talent behind Midlifebloggers wrote about her writing process and passed the torch on to me.  Before I go any further, I have to let everyone know that besides being a smart, creative, determined woman, Jane has one of the most contagious laughs I’ve ever heard. Dinner with Jane is more than a great glass of wine, and a good salad followed by something sweet. It is an hour or more of pure enjoyment. A time when the world stands still, allowing friends to delve into topics ranging from wrinkled necks to aging parents to complex sibling situations. A time always punctuated with laughter.

    So, now I guess I’m supposed to answer some questions about my writing process.

    1. Why do I write what I do?

    The simple answer to this is, I simply cannot NOT write. It’s in my blood and has been every since I was little.  Throughout my life (which started before remote control, let alone before social media) I’ve written everything from educational videos to adult films.

    At one point, I wanted to be a poet. And although I did have several poems published in some literary magazines, I soon realized it would be difficult to live the life of a tragically romantic poet, drinking wine in French cafes (especially since I lived in Michigan) and existing on cheese and crackers.  No where did that life intersect with one involving a family.

    So, I tossed the stanzas to the wind and began writing short stories. Really awful ones, I must add. But eventually, I had a few published.  This led to the world of novels and beyond. And to actual money as a ghost writer for the popular childrens’  book series Goosebumps and Fear Street. These assignments eventually to an agent. And another. And another.  And although it hasn’t always been easy, it has always felt right.

    When the blogosphere opened up, I found a new means for expressing myself.  And I love sharing my take on the world as I grow older.

    2. How does my work from others of it’s genre?

    My work only differs in that everything I write is in my voice. Everything has my special twist of funny and sweet. I’d like to think that some day, my voice will grow so big and powerful that I’ll land on Bestseller lists all over the country.

     3. How does your writing process work?

    This has changed drastically over the past few months.  When I had a full time job, I would get up around 6:30, have coffee, turn on my computer and write for about an hour. Of course, I would often spend time playing Scrabble and checking emails, and commenting on blogs. And then I would write again late at night.

    Now, I’m in a state of “reorganization.” With so much time, I often find myself wasting it.   Ideally, I would love to start writing around 8:00 am each day and work until around 2:00 or so.  At which time, I will go for a walk or to the gym.  But often, it’s not up to me. My characters are always interfering in my plans. Somedays they arrive while I’m at the grocery store and I have to rush home to accomodate them. Other times, I’m sitting at my computer begging them to stop by.

    In those moments, I turn to my blogs and eventually, that husband who feels his wife has totally lost her marbles, will call out to me and I’ll switch screens and go back to his situation. I love when this happens.

    4. What am I working on now?

    In addition to the blogs I’m writing, I’m working on a women’s fiction novel, which I hope to finish before I forget that I’m writing it.   I’m also putting together a collection of my blogs in a book titled, The Anatomy of a Baby Boomer: From Milkshakes to Martinis.

    I’m always working on something and don’t intend to stop writing. Ever.

    And now I’d love to pass this Writing Process Blog tour on to two other authors.  I have been in a writing group with the prolific writer, Linda O. Johnston,  for over twenty years. Yes, you heard correctly. That in itself is a topic for another blog. And Walker Thornton, is an online friend who I have yet to meet in real life. But hope to be able to meet  one day soon.

    Linda O. Johnston, the author of 35 published novels so far, is passionate about animals, especially pets.  She is also passionate about writing in more than one genre at a time to keep her mind more than active.  Linda writes three series involving animals: paranormal romance for Harlequin Nocturne featuring Alpha Force, a secret military unit of shapeshifters, the Pet Rescue Mystery series for Berkley Prime Crime, a spinoff from her Kendra Ballantyne, Pet-Sitter Mystery series, and the upcoming new Superstition Mysteries series from Midnight Ink.  She has also had two Harlequin Romantic Suspense novels published as well as novellas and short stories.

    To learn about Linda visit her at her website.  http://www.lindaojohnston.com/

     

    Walker Thornton  is a freelance writer, public speaker and adult sex educator. She’s working on a book for midlife women on awakening and igniting desire. A former executive director of a sexual assault crisis center with many years of nonprofit board experience at the local  and state level, Walker focuses on sexuality in her writing and speaking engagements. As a single woman navigating the dating world in here early 50s’ Walker began to talk about dating, sex and other topics of relevance to midlife. Her writing appears in the Huffington Post, Better After 50, Senior Planet and other sites.

    She is the Sexual Health Columnist at Midlife Boulevard and will be writing about sexuality for the over 45 age woman at Kinkly.com. Walker lives in Charlottesville, VA, coming back home after graduating from UVA with a BA in Psychology. She has a Masters in Educational Psychology from the University of Georgia. She serves as the Vice-President of WriterHouse, a nonprofit, located in Charlottesville.

    Watch for Linda and Walker next week, or whenever they feel like posting. Writers often cannot be pinned down.

    With love and hugs,

    Janie


     

     

  • Mar 14

     

    time-for-training-message-shows-coaching-and-instructing-100144869

     

    One of the most important jobs in the world, if not the most important, is that of being a parent. And yet, unlike other tasks and endeavors it does not come with a training manual.

    Oh, sure, there are books on what to expect from your little loved one at various stages of development. Pamphlets on how to react to their odd behavior. Studies on what to feed them in order to avoid a zombie-like response.

    And everyone, from your mother-in-law to your cousin’s manicurist, has an opinion on the absolute right way to do everything from washing a bottle to doling out those much needed weekly chores.

    But there are no absolutes. No one way of doing any one thing.  Because every child  is a set of DNA onto themselves.

    It’s not like buying a bookshelf from Ikea and following the direction. (Although that’s not always so easy, either)  Place part A in hole B and turn to the left. Voila.

    Not so with children.

    That being said, as I now slide comfortably into the grandparent role, I have a few things I’d like to pass on about the various stages of parenthood.

    1. Toddler Time

    EnzoDon’t worry about keeping an immaculately clean house. Your children are going to grow up faster than you can imagine. Play with them. Read to them. Talk to them. Those dirty dishes can wait until they are sound asleep. And if you fall asleep too, well. So be it. Get to them the next day. There are always going to be dirty dishes. There won’t always be your little munchkin to play with.

    2. Middle School Days

    MG Don’t fall for your child’s reasoning, “but everyone’s doing it, Mom.” It’s easy for me to give this advice.  Harder to follow. Because it is difficult to watch your child beg and plead.  But just because everyone has an iPhone or everyone in the world is going to a concert, doesn’t mean your child needs part of that group. Believe me, everyone really just equates to a few of her friends.

    3. Teenage Years

    teenagers-talking-over-phone-100103347Don’t tell your teenager you know how she feels. She won’t believe you.  Because really, Mom, how can you know how it feels to have a boy break up with you with a text message? Texting wasn’t around when you were a teen. Of course, if a boy breaks up with you by leaving a  message on your phone, it hurts just the same. But your teenager is not going to get that.

    She also doesn’t won’t get that every teen feels the same as her because as a teenager you always feel so alone in world.  Just be there for her.

    If there ever is a definitive manual on raising kids, I hope my suggestions would be included.

    But my biggest, most important piece of advice is this:  Listen to them.  Love them. And let them become the person they are supposed to be.

  • Mar 9

    THEN: CHANGING THE TIME

     

    NOW: CHANGING THE TIME

     

     

     

    I used to look forward to Daylight Saving Time.  It meant that after dinner my kids could still go outside and play for awhile.  I could take a walk.  Neighbors could gather on front porches and talk.  And best of all, it meant that summer was just around the corner.   After all, we were Springing Forward.

    Now it’s not even spring yet!  March has yet to really get going.

    We could still have more  rain and in some parts of the country it is still snowing.  Who needs an extra hour of daylight when the weather still says it is winter?Another hour of sleet and snow and rain!  On those days, I like staying inside, cuddled by the fireplace with my family.

    I know this early Daylight Saving is supposed to save energy.   But even after all these years,  I’m still trying to  get used it.

    But that got me to thinking about the concept of time.  Wouldn’t it be great if we could save time itself?  If all those Daylight Saving hours were actually saved in personal Time Bank accounts?

    Every Daylight Saving we would add another hour, not be used until we turned forty, or of an age when we could really appreciate time.  Our hours would accumulate and then each fall when we turn the clocks back, we could go to our time bank and withdraw whichever hour we wanted.

    I might take an hour from a day in high school when Billy smiled at me.  To remind me of how young love felt.   And that I could feel all hot inside without having a hot flash.

    Or an hour from when my daughter was born and I cradled her in my arms.  A day I never tire of remembering.  And would love to experience again.  And again.

    Or maybe an hour from when my foot was broken to remind me to slow down.

    If we are feeling sad about something, we could take a “happy” hour from our bank to remind us that life is all about ups and downs.  We could take an hour to help us through a tough situation.  Or spend time again with someone who is no longer with us.

    If need be, we could borrow against these hours, taking them out when we needed extra minutes to meet a deadline.  Or maybe even trade hours.  To experience how it really feels to walk in someone else’s shoes.  And how about loaning hours to someone whose life is being cut short way too soon?

    Ah, the possibilities are limitless.  That is – if it were only possible.

    Think about it.

    What hour would you withdraw from your Time Savings Bank?

  • Mar 3

    Leaving behind a place you love is difficult.

    But doing this can make it easier.

    In The Powder Room

  • Feb 8

    The Beatles Then

     

    “These guys are going to be the next big thing.”

    Those words came out of the annoying teenage boy who lived next door to me.

    I grabbed the 45 record cover from his hands. I Want to Hold Your Hand. Four guys smiled at me. Long hair. Cute. Cute. Cute. And Cuter.

    “Yeah, right?” I rolled my eyes and walked away. What did he know? He wanted to kiss me and I wanted nothing to do with him.

    “That’s what my dad said.”  He yelled.  “Just wait and see.”

    Well, it didn’t take much waiting.

    His father worked for Capital records at the time and he definitely knew what he was talking about.  A few months after that conversation, The Beatles appeared on the Ed Sullivan show.

    “I told you,” my neighbor taunted that next day at school.

    But I didn’t care that he had been right. By then I was totally in love with this new band from Liverpool.

    The evening of their performance, I sat in front of the TV while my mom colored my hair. A ritual she performed once a month on a Sunday.

    Hold still, she demanded over and over as I moved closer the screen.

    From that day forward Beatles music has been the soundtrack for my life.  I have too many favorites to narrow my list to one or two.

    But I do have a favorite listening moment, or hours.

    In 1968, my BFF and I shared a studio apartment. We sat on our beds (pretty much our only furniture) waiting for the radio station to play The White Album.  An experience I’ll never forget. The disc jockey told us to stay tuned. They were going to play the entire double album. Can you imagine this happening today?

    Every song became our favorite from Side 1 Back in the USSR to the last one on side 4, Good Night.

    And of course, we had to each buy our own album because our living quarters were only temporary. Once we graduated college and headed off into our lives, we wanted our own to take with us.

    These days, I get my Beatle fix on Sunday morning when I listen to Breakfast with The Beatles, on KLOS in Los Angeles.

    To paraphrase the Fab Four, “I’ve had a long and winding life.”  Every moment can be defined by a Beatle song.

    I know it’s been a long time since that morning back in 1963.  So, Lance (my annoying neighbor) if you’re reading this, “I’m sorry I ever doubted you.”

    But I’m not sorry we never kissed!

    This is part of a Blog Hop.

    Powered by Linky Tools

    Click here to enter your link and view this Linky Tools list…

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Jan 25

    woman in stiletto seducing man in bed

    To read how mine has been changing click here.

    Let me know how you feel about yours!

     

    Janie

    Tagged as: , , ,
  • Jan 7

     

    selfie 3

     

    Read what 2014 has to say to her predecessor.

    The Year of the Selfie

    What do you hope for?

    I hope everyone has a wonderful year!

  • Dec 18

    Mrs. Claus

     

    For our second interview, Mrs. Claus suggested we meet at the Polar Spa & Meditation Center, located at the far end of the Village. After a wonderful mud bath and massage we sat in lounge chairs wrapped in warm blankets, sipping eggnog and rum drinks.

    JE:  So, Mrs. Claus, I assume business is back to normal in the Toy Factory?

    Mrs. Claus:  Oh yes, but no thanks to my husband. While his Highness napped, I met with the leader of the Elfsters union and agreed to an increase in hourly pay for those elves working the night shift and an added bonus incentive for any elf working more than eight hours. It’s nonstop production now until the big night. We can’t afford to lose time over industrial disputes.

    JE:  Well, thank you for spending this time with me.

    Mrs. Claus:  I do need a bit of ‘me time’ every so often. Turn off the phone. Stop texting. Listen to my inner voices.

    JE:  So, does your husband use this spa to relax, too?

    Mrs. Claus:  Oh, heaven’s, no. This place is exclusively for females. I open the doors to the public during the off-season.

    JE:  Do you get a lot of visitors?

    Mrs. Claus:  I mentor a group of women. The Princesses. Ms. White, Ms. Ella, Ms. Beauty, Ms. Belle, Ms. Ariel to name a few. They all like to come in May, just before the summer. Believe me, they need a lot of counseling. When they first got here, they actually believed in that ‘kiss-a-frog theory.’ But I’ve set them straight.

    JE:  How so?

    Mrs. Claus:  We have therapy sessions, group meetings, lectures. And then I have an online group focused on keeping them away from all that “happily-ever-after”‘ fantasy thinking. I try to instill the three S’s: Self-respect. Self-worth. And Selfishness.

    JE:  Selfishness?

    Mrs. Claus:  Sometimes you just have to put yourself first. You know what I mean?

    JE:  I think so.

    Mrs. Claus:  Women have come a long way from those days of smiling pretty and putting a meal on the table when their husband comes home, but too many young girls still believe in the prince and that shiny white horse nonsense.

    JE:  So, besides working with young women, do you and Mr. Claus do something together during the off season? Do you take a vacation?

    Mrs. Claus:  Matter of fact, we do get away. Last year we went to Las Vegas. Only problem was, we arrived during an Elvis Impersonation week and my husband insisted on entering as a Santa Elvis.

    At this point, Mrs. Claus rolled her eyes. 

    JE:  So, I gather that bothered you.

    Mrs. Claus:  Of course. There we were trying to get away from work. It’s always the same. You can take the man out of the Pole, but you can’t take the Pole out of the man. But I will tell you a little secret.

    JE:  And that is?

    She leaned over and spoke in a soft voice.

    Mrs. Claus:  I do like him to dress up as some of his impersonators. Tom Hanks, Tim Allen and Art Carney are my favorites.

    JE:  Hmmm….

    Mrs. Claus:   Don’t blush. A bit of role playing keeps the sex alive. After all the years we’ve been married, we need something every now and then. How long have you been married?

    JE:  A long time.

    Mrs. Claus:  Then you know what I mean.

    Before I had a chance to say anything, Mrs. Claus’ alarm went off. Relaxation hour was over.

    Mrs. Claus:  Now if you’ll excuse me. I must get back to work. But why don’t you join me for the Big Night? You’ll see multi-tasking at it’s finest. I sure hope the GPS is working because we don’t need another disaster like last year.

    JE:  May I ask what happened?

    But her answer would have to wait until our next interview. Text messages were coming into her iPhone like gunfire.

    As Mrs. Claus hurried to change into her work clothes, I stayed and relaxed for a bit. Off in the background I could hear the elves singing. Everything was right in the North Pole. For now.

     

  • Dec 10

    Mrs. Claus

    THE WOMAN BEHIND THE MAN WHO DRIVES THE SLEIGH

    During this time of the year one man in particular receives all the attention. Yes, Santa Claus is no stranger to the limelight, but as we all know, behind every successful man stands an even more successful, understanding and brilliant woman. So who is Mrs Claus? And how does she feel about the supportive role she plays in the life of her husband?

    I caught up with the season’s most unsung heroine a few days ago at the Red Nose Saloon where she was taking a break from programming a GPS system for her husband. Over a few extra dry martinis, she happily agreed to give me this exclusive interview.

    JE:  So, tell me Mrs. Claus, what’s it like being married to a Seasonal Superstar?

    Mrs. Claus:  Well, to be quite honest, it’s far from jolly. I’ve tried putting him on a diet but every year I swear, I have to add another panel to his goddamn suit. It’s bad enough that I have to work for months to get rid of the smoky smell. If he insists on going down chimneys (and going down on some other places, I won’t mention here)  I don’t know why he won’t wear the dark suit I made for him.

    JE: So, this is a very busy time for you, I gather.

    Mrs. Claus:  You don’t know the half of it. I much prefer Valentine’s day. That’s when we have the entire Pole all to ourselves. If you know what I mean.

    JE: Yes, I can tell by your smile that you haven’t lost that lovin’ feeling. Was it love at first sight between the two of you?

    At this question, Mrs. Claus laughed like a hyena before answering.

    Mrs. Claus:  It was actually his lap which drew me to him. I fell in love at first bounce. Right then, I knew we were soul mates.

    JE: So what is your typical day like at this time of year?

    Mrs. Claus:  Well, I usually get up around 6:30. Put on a pot of coffee. Check emails and text messages. Post a status or two on Facebook and Twitter.  Then I go to the mailroom and make sure it’s all running smoothly before heading over to the workshop. Around 8:30, I wake up his highness, who claims he needs his beauty rest this time of year. Like anyone even sees him making his deliveries!

    JE:  Do you help with the toy production?

    Mrs. Claus:  Most definitely. But even more importantly, if it weren’t for me, the presents wouldn’t be delivered on time.

    JE:  Why is that?

    Mrs. Claus:  Because I’m just now perfecting his new GPS system. Like any man, he’s so darn stubborn, he won’t stop and ask for directions. Every year he gets lost somewhere around the tropics.

    JE:  So, not only are you a seamstress but a computer programmer as well? You’re quite an amazing woman. What other talents to you have up your sleeve?

    Mrs. Claus:  Well, along with longitudes and latitudes I’m adding a few attitude reminders to the system. You know, little sayings such as… ‘Keep smiling. You’re halfway there. I’ll be waiting up for you. Keep on sleddin. I’ve been a good girl, so let’s get naughty when you get back.’ Anything to  stop him slugging back too much sherry and homemade cookies on his rounds.

    JE:  Sounds like you pretty much run the show on Christmas Eve.

    Mrs. Claus:  I’m a Taurus, you know. But I’m not as stubborn as they say. I just like things done my way. And my way makes Christmas Eve a success…year after year after year.

    JE:  What do you do in your spare time? That is,  if you have any.

    Mrs. Claus:  I’ve started a blog. Tonight I’m chatting about Men with Beards and The Women Who Love Them. You should log on. You know, you might learn a thing or two. The women from Duck Dynasty will be my guests next week.

    At this point in our interview her cell phone rang playing the song ‘Santa Claus Is Coming To Town.’

    JE: I like your ring tone.

    Mrs. Claus:  Well, actually, it has a different meaning for me than the rest of the world.

    JE:  I’m sure it does.

    Mrs. Claus:  Look I’m really sorry – I have to go. The elves have downed tools once again. He has no idea how to manage them properly – won’t accept that they are fully unionized now. You can’t have them working all through the night any more. Men. They all think they are so smart. The trick, which really isn’t all that hard, is to make them think they’re the ones making the decisions.

    JE:  No problem. Perhaps we can continue this another time? I know there are a lot of women who could benefit from your wisdom.

    Mrs. Claus:  It would be my pleasure. I’ll check my schedule and get back to you.

    With that Mrs. Claus downed her martini in one gulp, and headed back to work. Her husband might be the one getting all the glory, but clearly without Mrs. Claus, Christmas morning wouldn’t be quite the way we know it.

    Stay tuned for Part Two of our interview.

    -

Calendar

April 2014
M T W T F S S
« Mar    
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
282930  

You have lipstick on your teeth!

You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth – Available NOW!

Read Me In the Powder Room!