Private Dancing


My old, trusty friend

The act of masturbation has been around since the beginning of time. But a large scale celebration of this action is relatively new. And what could be larger than an entire month dedicated to playing with oneself? Yes, you heard me right.

Here in the United States,  it is Masturbation May.

At first, I assumed this celebration was put on the calendar by Hallmark. This greeting card company has a line of salutations for just about everyhing else, why not one for whacking off?

The jilted lover could send a card saying,  “Since you won’t play with me anymore, I have to play with myself.”

The health conscious consumer could buy a card with the slogan, “A diddle a day, keeps the doctor away.”

But I was wrong.  In 1994 U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Joycelyn Elders suggested that masturbation be taught in sex education classes. As a result, Elders was fired. My God, how could she suggest such a thing?

The sexually active folk in San Fransciso got their panties all in a bunch and set out to right her firing.

On May 7,  1995, California sex advocate Dr. Carol Queen with the assistance of Good Vibrations,  a retail store in San Francisco, held the first National Masturbation Day and thus  Masturbation May was born.

I’m not sure it was ever included in the cirriculum. But I do know that most of us don’t need any concrete lessons.  Besides,  the act is unique to each person.

In my case, I have early memories of lying on our livingroom floor in my favorite flannel nightgown. I’m not even sure how old I was. Old enough to know what felt good. At the time my grandfather lived with us. My behavior was quite alarming to him (as my mother tells it.)

She quietly explained to him that I was Private Dancing. Then she firmly, but gently told me that it was something I should do in private.

And take it from me, there are a lot of private places where one can release all that built up tension.

The way I see it,  a month devoted to masturbating is really a month dedicated to loving oneself.

And as my mom told me a long time ago, if we can’t love ourselves, how can we expect anyone else to?



Posted in Love, Masturbation, Orgasm, Sex | Tagged , , , | 12 Comments

Travels with My Dad

Janie Emaus and her dad


Some of my fondest childhood memories involve trips I went on with my parents.  Every winter we went to Crestline where we tobogganed, ice-skated and drank hot chocolate around the fireplace inside our cozy cabin. In the summer we went to a resort where we swam in a large pool, ate in a dining room, and engaged in “family fun” activities. Looking back, it was bit like Dirty Dancing, although no one called me Baby and I never found my Johnny Castle.

Yet, the vacations which occupy most of my memory (what little I have these days) are the ones we took to New York and Hawaii.

In Hawaii, I walked around in white pedal pushers, carrying a large, white straw purse, (even larger than my mom’s) thinking that all the boys would surely notice me. Well, if they did it wasn’t as anything but a flat-chested twelve- year-old carrying a purse way too big for her and smiling like a complete dork.

In New York, I was a bit more sophisticated. Sort of. I actually fell in love and had my heart broken all in one night. This incident caused my father to go into a rage and want to go kill whoever had made his baby girl cry so horribly. (The closest I got to a Baby moment.)When he found out I was sobbing hysterically because I would never see that boy again, he wanted to kill me!

But no matter what age I was when we traveled, I knew my father would get us to our destination safely. He would take care of everything (hotels, car rentals, food, souvenirs, fun) while we were on our vacation.  And see to it that arrived home in one piece.

On our last family vacation we traveled to Mexico. And before we left, my father, who at the time was eighty-eight-years old, the one I always counted on, took my hand, looked me in the eye, and said, “You’ll get us there okay, won’t you?”

As a teenager, I never thought my father would be saying this to me. His words tugged at my heart, yet, at the same time, made me feel good that I could answer, “Yes, of course. I’ll take care of everything.”

And so off to Mexico we went. My husband, me, my mom and my father. I wore my responsibility like a second skin, knowing that I owed it to my parents for all they have done for me.

Now, that’s not to say that I didn’t lose my patience a bit. Especially when my father was asking for a cocktail only a few minutes after we had taken our seats on the plane.  But then I couldn’t blame him. The first class passengers were drinking wine and eating hors d’oeuvres, while the coach passengers were still boarding. The combined age of those first class passengers was probably only a few years past that of my dad’s.

We arrived safely in Mexico and as I had promised my father, there was a wheelchair waiting to take us through customs. And as I had also promised there were beautiful sunrises (well, I guess I didn’t have much say in that event) and delicious huevos rancheros  (again not something I prepared)  and many wonderful hours playing cards, drinking margaritas and laughing.  I can take credit for some of those.

Upon returning home, my father grasped my hands, looked me in the eye and said, “Thank you so much. We made it home safe and sound, didn’t we?”

“Yes, we did,” I said. “But you don’t have to thank me.”

And he didn’t to have. It was the least I could do for the man who had done so much for me.

To be honest, it was difficult at time. Traveling with elderly parents presents many obstacles.  But the truth is- now that my father is gone, I wish I could do it all over again.

Posted in Fathers, Mexico, Parents, Traveling | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments


Tina and me

I believe everything happens for a reason. Most of us sign with agents hoping they will further our careers and sell our books. That doesn’t always happen. In my case,  I moved on from the agent, but took with me a lasting friendship with a wonderful and talented writer – TINA FERRARO.

Tina, a two-time RITA finalist for her young adult romances, has her first paranormal YA, HALF-LIFE, releasing on March 24th.  To get the party started, she’s offering a free gift link of a YA short, STUPID CUPID, to anyone who preorders HALF-LIFE.  Find out more by contacting her at

Young Adult stories don’t get any better than this!

half-life official

Half a life is not worth living.

Probably not a good idea to take advice from your dead twin sister. High school sophomore Trisha Traynor and friends have played the Halloween mirror game for years, the one that’s supposed to show a glimpse of the guy they’ll marry. But no one’s ever seen anything.

Until tonight­ when Trisha is gob smacked by the candlelit arrival of her long-deceased twin sister, instead of her crush, Kirk Maxwell.

In a voice and vision that only Trisha can hear and see, Chessie claims to be back on a compassionate journey. Trisha fears she’s gone nuthouse crazy. But she nonetheless follows the instructions Chessie outlines in their nightly conversations, until she finds herself stepping across some ethical lines, and probably ending all chances with Kirk.

When a sisterly showdown ensues, resulting in the shattering of the mirror, Chessie’s gone again, and a heartsick Trisha sets about righting her recent wrongs. That is, until she stumbles upon the real reason Chessie had come back and the most important glimpse yet that the mirror could never predict.

Pre Order Half-Life and receive a free copy of STUPID CUPID.


Thanks to the mythical god of love, Cupid, 16-year-old Sydney’s love life is about to get complicate…even though technically she doesn’t have one.

Like I said, everything happens for a reason. The reason for ordering Tina’s book is simple. You’ll be happy that you did!

Posted in Books, Giveaway, Young Adult Novels | Tagged , , , , , | 30 Comments

The Lost Art of Writing Love Letters

Mom and Dad wedding


I learned so much about my parents from reading their love letters. What will the future generations be reading?

I can guarantee you it won’t be this.

Happy Valentine’s Day!



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Four Generations of Hands

The Hands of Time

Four Generations of Hands

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Hooters, Bazooms & Jugs, Oh My!


Bazongas.  Tatas.  Melons.  Chichis.  Years ago, when I worked in the porn industry these words were part of my daily vocabulary.  Now, in case you get the wrong idea, I was not in front of the camera, but rather that creative voice behind the box cover blurb.

In order to get a gist of the plot, I would watch each movie until I had a total understanding of the intricate emotions driving the action

Often times during this work, my husband would come up behind me and do a bit of his own driving, which of course made concentrating on the story almost impossible.

And yes, there were stories to some of these films.   Even if they were as simple as: Bored housewife sits by the pool.  Horny pool man arrives.  Wife takes off her top.  Pool man takes out his pole.

But more often than telling the story, I had to entice the viewer by describing the lusty bustiness of the actresses.

Thus my knowledge of every conceivable synonym for that ever talked about body part: breasts.  The job also became a study in human behavior.

Boobs sell.  I discovered that there are more “breast man” in this world than “leg man” or “butt men.”  This fact led me to the question – Why men are like this in the first place? Breaking down a woman’s body into favorite parts, sounds like one is talking about a product that can be purchased at your local grocery store.

I rarely hear a woman announce, “Oh, I’m a penis girl.”  Or “I’m a hairy chest girl.”  Of course, women do favor different parts of their lover.  I always loved arms, strong, muscular arms.  But if they didn’t come with a good personality and some brains, well, those arms soon lost their sex appeal.

But, back to the boobs.   My favorite alternative word is “breasticle.”  I have no idea why.  I suppose it sounds rather sophisticated.  Or maybe because it rhymes with testicle.

In any event, I actually miss those days of conceiving alluring blurbs and in fact, I haven’t even seen any porn in a very long time.

I’m sure the actresses have changed.  The ones I watched are now middle aged.  Who wants to see that on screen?  Get hot and heavy with horny Grandma Maybelle.  Her banana boobs will bring you to orgasmic pleasure.  Not!

But I wouldn’t mind viewing some of those older films.   I’ll have to read the box covers and see which ones promise a night of orgasmic pleasure.

Porn ad copy



Posted in Breasts, Porn, Sex | Tagged , , , , , | 19 Comments

How Hallmark Saved My Holiday Spirit

I never thought this could happen, but it has!

Read about it here!

I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas.

And that 2015 brings you everything you ever wanted and lots of happy endings!



Posted in Christmas, Hallmark Movies, Hanukah, Holidays, Love, Memories | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

The Woman Behind the Sleigh Balls

Santa Joke

Meet the most important person at the pole!

Posted in Holidays, Mrs. Claus, Santa Calus, Sex, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

The Ultimate Book Lover’s Gift Guide

Happy Holidays and Happy reading!

This gift guide was compiled by Audrey van Petegem and Suzanne Letourneau of the ballyhoos, who support Indie Authors with their Branding and Marketing needs.


The Holidays are coming and you know what that means…..It is that time of year where you start looking for inspiring gift ideas to give to friends and family! Sure you can give gift cards or flowers but why not give something that is a bit more meaningful?

Everybody loves a good book! Whether you are looking for a unique hostess gift, something for the office gift exchange or the perfect gift to give to that someone special, a book is always well received.

To make it easier for you, we have put together the Ultimate Book Lover’s Gift Guide. There is something for everyone on your list. From Inspirational to fun reads and titles for the younger readers (or young at heart). And, hey, you may even find something for yourself!


stackedBooks Over iT – Mary Buchan

We all have an “iT” to get over, some challenge in life that seems difficult, if not impossible, to overcome. This may be a problem with health, a past trauma, or stressful situation in our finances or career. Sometimes the “iT” stems from broken relationships or negative judgments we’ve encountered during our journey. In this award winning book Mary combines lighthearted personal stories with ancient wisdom keys. She shares life-changing insights that will help you drive away the dark shadows from your life and break free from whatever is holding you back from your full potential. These keys transformed Mary and they can change your life! Great gift that can be bought here. Buy here



Deborah Hall

Million Dollar Moments – Deborah L. Hall

What if everything you’ve ever been taught is a lie? What if we’ve been living under false assumptions? How can we know for sure? How can we find the truth? Today’s internet bombards us with daily information creating cognitive dissonance as we struggle with who to trust and what to believe. Million Dollar Moments sorts through the noise of these mixed messages bringing usto the only possible truth: your own truth. In 5 minute bursts of brain change each day, Million Dollar Moments shows you the path to uncover and claim your truth. These daily gems of inspiration will illuminate your values regarding business, love, creativity, and resources while encouraging and supporting you to step into who YOU are! Need a quote for a presentation or a speech? You’ll find some gems on these pages. Need a boost for the day? Open the book randomly to any page and you’ll get the inspiration that is meant just for your eyes for that day. Buy here.


SOAR with Vulnerability – Suzanne Letourneau

This is your book. The book that is inside of you all-ways. We all have a story to tell. In mine, I share how the biggest turning point of my life has opened my heart to receiving the best gift of all – Vulnerability.
Vulnerability works hand in hand with Authenticity. And from the moment you experience your authenticity, your true self, you will not want to be anything else but authentic.
Vulnerability is about daring to be more than who you think you are. Get Curious. Be Outrageous. Buy here.

oh La La! Réalité


Being French – Francois Roland

François Roland is thoroughly, irrepressibly French – Parisian, in fact! His book, Being French! A Frenchman’s Guide to a More Sensual Life, is a memoir as well as a collection of essays about sensuality. In it, Roland shares his own experiences and insights gained from a rich and intense sensual life, and from that perspective, the book proposes to its readers that they envision sensuality from a distinctly French point of view.
What allows some people to have satisfying, harmonious, and happy sensual lives while others are miserable and unfulfilled? Roland came to realize that the French probably handle sensual life quite differently than people elsewhere and maybe with a better prospect of making it delightful, fulfilling, and an integral part of a full and balanced life. Buy his e-book here


LOL;-) Living Out Loud – Veronica Tanzen

An estimated 30 to 40 million North Americans use online dating sites, and the growing industry can now take credit for 17% of all marriages on the continent. Not surprisingly, a myriad of online dating self-help books have popped up on shelves—how-to’s and self-proclaimed success stories of finding a mate. This story is definitely not one of those. Living Out Loud takes you on a fresh and quirky ride through one woman’s attempt to master the science of cyber-dating while navigating her way down the road to finding true love. Start with a once-conflicted, twice-divorced single mother, toss in some humorous self-discovery, sprinkle in a smattering of questionable dating profiles, and wrap it all up in a very colourful package that will make you want to laugh, cry and have you want to read the whole book in one sitting! Just click here for a fun and enjoyable read. Buy here.

Thought Provoking


A God for all seasons

A God for All Seasons – Patti Tingen

Based on Ecclesiastes 3, A God for all Seasons takes the reader on a year long journey, month by month. Starting with winter, the book moves through the natural seasons of the year. Each chapter correlates with a month and offers personal testimony and insights for the various spiritual seasons that we all experience. The theme of the book is that God’s love and presence is with us through every time and every season of our lives. 2014 Readers’ Favorite International Book Award Silver Medal Winner in the Christian Non-Fiction Category. Great gift idea for the person of faith that can be bought directly on Amazon.Buy here.




A River of Tears, The River of Hope – Orit Murad Rehany

A River of Tears The River of Hope centers on the saga of the Two Torah Scrolls, and of an fluent and thriving community living peacefully for 2600 years until World War II and the events of Nazism, anti-Semitism and hatred took place in the ancient region known as the Cradle of Civilization, or modern days Iraq.

A River of Tears The River of Hope follows the enchanting and fascinating Murad family. The Murad family brought to Israel a proud heritage to share with the world including the two Torah Scrolls of their beloved father and grandfather, Rabbi Ezra Murad.

Rabbi Murad’s two Torah Scrolls traveled with the family to Israel. While settling in Israel the Murad family showed us the most valuable elements of hope, drive, and determination as they continued to thrive in Israel and Canada. A River of Tears The River of Hope will welcome readers into the history of the Murad family and their amazing journey from a world filled with oppression and tyranny, to one supported by acceptance and support. Buy here.

Fun Reads


are you kidding me

Are You Kidding Me? – Stacey Gustafson

My Life with an Extremely Loud Family, Bathroom Calamities, and Crazy Relatives, a compilation of hilarious, surprising, and relatable stories. The book reached #4 on Amazon’s Hot New Releases list for its category during its debut week. Hop into your minivan and get ready to cruise through the crazies of Suburbia! Humorist Stacey Gustafson makes an entertaining tour guide in Are You Kidding Me?, a brash, voyeuristic peek inside the topsy-turvy world of suburban motherhood, midlife madness, and all points in between. If you’ve ever called SWAT on a neighbor, faked a heart attack in church, or pulled your hair out while questioning the sanity of your family, Stacey’s tongue-in-cheek brand of humor will resonate with you. Enjoy the ride and don’t forget to fasten your seat belt. Buy here.


Drink Wine and Giggle

Drink Wine and Giggle Deb Mangolt & Julie Smethurst

(101 ways girlfriends can connect, have fun and be inspired) combines friendship and personal growth in a collection of easy-to-follow activities that have been tested and proven to turn girlfriend get-togethers into life-shifting experiences. The activities in DWAG include short projects, exercises or excursions. The book is divided into four sections—mind, body, soul and funny bone—with twenty-five activities in each. The perfect get-together companion, Drink Wine and Giggle uses the power of girlfriends to inspire women to get the life they deserve. Buy here.



Empowered Women Empowered Women of Social Media

Empowered Women of Social Media – This book is perfect for the woman who is looking to find her VOICE. Finding ones voice means a deep self-discovery of life at its core. Read about women who have used Facebook, Google and Twitter to get support while they were going through breast cancer, midlife crisis and depression. Many women used social media to find their business path and create successful companies.Empowered Women of Social Media is a timeless collection of first time stories written by first time authors. Finding their voice meant writing their story, transcending pain and transforming their life. This book is for you if you are a woman who has been muted from abuse and violence, scared into silence from childhood trauma, or was simply raised to be seen not heard. This book will make a great gift. Buy here.

Laurie Dupar

Inspirational Ways to Succeed with ADHD – Laurie Dupar

The fourth book in the best-selling ADHD Awareness Book Project series, Inspirational Ways to Succeed with ADHD: Real Life Stories and Strategies to Help You Thrive with ADHD is a one-of-a-kind informative and inspirational resource for people with ADHD containing over 100 strategies and stories to empower, enlighten, educate and entertain. Laurie Dupar of Coaching for ADHD asked 40 ADHD experts: “What is your best strategy or story to help people succeed?”Within these pages is that one tip, strategy, resource or story that is the answer or inspiration to help you succeed with ADHD! Buy here.




Find Your Self-Culture – Victoria Lorient-Faibish

Find Your “Self-Culture” takes you on a journey of case studies, exercises and teachings from Victoria Lorient-Faibish’s twenty years of working with clients in her busy practice as a Relationship Expert and Holistic Psychotherapist . Learn to move beyond depression and anxiety, rewire your brain towards profound joy and transform your inner bully into a supportive coach. Learn also how to set healthy boundaries while healing the hurt child within and moving past shame, anger and guilt. This empowering book with facilitate you breaking the cycle of family dysfunction and setting you on the path of self acceptance. Buy here

New Mom’s

10 months

It is Really 10 Months – Natalie Guenter & Kim Schenkelberg

No one ever tells you about all of the crap that happens to you when you’re pregnant. We are three thirty-something women who were fortunate enough to be pregnant at the same time. We began sharing our questions, fears, humor, and experiences through emails, which became a lifeline and virtual support group. We are here to tell you the good, the bad, and the ugly of our experiences. This book is for anyone who wants to have fun, who wants to laugh, who wants to know what it is like to be afraid for your baby, who doesn’t mind poking fun at herself, who can lay it all out there. Even if you never have any intention of being pregnant, you can laugh with us – or at us. Perfect for the mamma to be that can be bought directly from Amazon. Buy here.



Motherhood – JC Little

This is the universal story of motherhood, from the gentle moment of birth to the inevitable letting go. In the playful and poignant simplicity that is her signature style, JC Little has captured the tender bond between mother and child. Motherhood is a timeless picture-book for mothers, sons and daughters of all ages. Available on Amazon in paperback and Kindle. Buy here.



Greenmama: Giving your child a healthy start and a greener future – Manda Aufochs Gillespie

What are the most pressing problems facing new parents today? As the world has gotten increasingly complicated, so has parenting. Manda Aufochs Gillespie, The Green Mama, brings 20 years of green consulting, research, and lots of humour to a variety of topics that affect the health and well-being of our children. You’ll find help getting back to the basics at a time when the “basics” are being redefined: clean air, nutritious food, simple play, healthy indoor and outdoor environments, and less stuff.

The Green Mama helps parents become what they were always meant to be: experts on the care of their own children.

[Green Mama] is a how-to book, but it’s also a manifesto of sorts: a manifesto declaring that no corporation or manufacturer is the boss of you, and that you have more control over the development of your family than an advertise-and-buy economy would have you believe.” —Jordan Yerman, Vancouver Observer.
A great gift for a new family! Buy here


Children, Tween and Teens


NEW! PickleWeasel Picture Riddles (Book 1) – JC LittlePickle

What’s that playful PickleWeasel up to? There are 101 tricky PickleWeasel picture riddles to have fun figuring out. Some of the words are easy and some are more of a challenge, with clues in every picture. You can “hide” and “reveal” the answers with your very own thumbs, and the words are inverted, for those who pride themselves on their upside-down reading skills.
Story artist JCLittle has created a wacky, zany, super-fabulous and slightly educational collection of PickleWeasels for kids 8 – 12.
Bonus: Flip the corners of the book to see a little animation, just for laffs. PickleWeasel is a jaunty fellow! Available on Amazon in paperback and Kindle – Buy here.


Magelica’s Voyage Magelica 1Louise Courey Nadeau

A Magical Fairy Tale about Believing in Yourself, Love and Positivity. The Perfect Gift for Children This Holiday!

Who ever heard of a girl being hatched from an egg the color of sapphires? Magelica doesn’t know where she came from or who she really is. But when she is transported to the Isle of Dreams in a flying bathtub, she launches into an exciting adventure of discovery. Come fly with Magelica and discover for yourself the power of imagination, positivity, believing in yourself and love! This first book is part of a trilogy that with touch not only a child’s heart but everyone who reads it.
Magelica’s Gift set includes the beautiful Magelica storybook, and magical feather necklace making it the perfect gift for a child ages 5 -11. Wear the feathers together or share a feather with a best friend. Available in French, English and Spanish. Buy here.

Janie Emaus

Mercury in Retro Love – Janie Emaus

A story about crushes, conflicts and astrological PMS.

When fifteen-year-old, Emma Siegel lays eyes on hottie Evan Randolph, she knows he is the boy for her. Using her school newspaper column, Emmastrology, she deliberately and craftily manipulates the end of his present relationship, and sets herself up to be his new girlfriend. Unfortunately, Emma does not predict the mess she gets herself into.

MERCURY IN RETRO LOVE follows Emma on her journey toward self-awareness. Her unflinching belief in astrology sets up more than a few roadblocks and threatens to derail her friendships with her best friends in the whole world. Available on Amazon. Buy here.

The Last Snowman – JC Littlethe snowman

“This afternoon it snowed. It was probably one of the last snows of the winter, so it was lovely sticky snow…perfect for making a snowman.” So begins the funny and poignant tale of a teenage girl and a dangerously tall snowman.
The LAST Snowman is a book with timeless appeal for children and adults alike. Award-winning story artist JC Little has playfully captured a tender “moment” in family life, marking the ephemeral grace between childhood and adolescence. Available on Amazon in paperback and Kindle, and hardcover direct from the author. Buy here


Can’t decide? Buy the Netflix of Books

E-Go books

UNIQUE Gift for Book Lovers! The e-GO! Library is today’s Top 1,000 Indie eBooks, picked by 5 million avid readers, PLUS 250 Bonus Classics – all on preloaded & portable USB drive. Fiction & non-fiction titles span all genres.

No WiFi or Internet required. Saves downloading time. Holds 3 file formats PDF, Kindle (PRC) and EPUB for Kindle, Nook, iPad, laptop, computer, tablet, and or smartphones too. Works with all devices to enjoy anywhere, anytime! This great gift idea puts 1,250 books in anyone’s pocket. Help them escape boring reading. Find the Best Sellers of tomorrow and discover the undiscovered today. Check out their website here.

From our bookshelf to yours…Have a wonderful holiday season!

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Save Your Sanity

Scary Mommy Blurb R

Scary Mommy Guide to the Holidays

Ah, the holidays! That time of year when the world comes together and falls apart, all at the same time. You know what I mean? Tables are set. Cookies baking. Gravy simmering. Drinks poured.

And all those things you really want to say to THAT relative are wrapped up inside you.

But you’re not going to say them, right? You’re not going to tell your aunt that you haven’t collected tea cups since you were twelve. You’re not going to tell your mother that you’ve already heard the story about the Hanukah of 2002, when the curtains caught on fire. Like a hundred times already.

You’re just going to smile.  And sneak off to the bar and refill your glass with what your grandchildren so lovingly call, “Grandma water.”

If you’re like me, the holidays bring on a  milkshake of emotions.

And, so, to help you get through the hazy maze of November and December, Jill Smokler of Scary Mommy has put together a fantastic book of stories and recipes. And I’m thrilled to be included!

The best part – ALL the authors’ proceeds go feed the homeless.

Just click on the link below and get your copy today!!

Scary Mommy Guide to the Holidays

Posted in Authors, Food, Holidays, homeless, Thanksgiving | Tagged , , , | 17 Comments